Don't thank me for the quotes.  Thank the people who made them.  I
mearly cut and past.
From: Faux_Pseudo
%
I think we need to set up a new newsgroup:
news://comp.linux.conffessions
From: Faux_Pseudo
%
I have walked in the valley of bad gui programs
I am ready to change my ways.
From: paul wisehart
%
xemacs-21.4.8 it's not just an editor it's another waste of disk
space
From: Chris Sorenson
%
Fluxbox and Rox-filer, because my slow computer (1300MHz with 512MB
DDR)
just ain't fast enough to run KDE or Gnome.
From: Eamon Skelton
%
none of us like defaults, that's why we use slackware. se [sic] we can
set our own defaults.
From: Jurgen Philippaerts
%
Yes. You assume that we're nice people who are eager to help you, and
wish not to hurt your sensitive feelings. That's just not who we are
around here. We are bozo. 
From: Morgan Landry 
%
Grrr...ph34r the PMS-ing Bozette. ph34r...
From: Morgan Landry 
%
Nope, we're arrogant towards anybody who won't GAFC, RTFM and STFW.
From: Bartosz Oudekerk
%
I *am* rude, and yes I *am* damn proud of it. And yes, *do* fuck
off.
From: Bartosz Oudekerk
%
It isn't the size of your PGP key that counts, but how you use
it.
From: Faux_Pseudo
%
BL [BasicLinux] 1.x is maintained by me.
From: Hetteh
%
If you want "wizards" and "druids"...you'd better go to LOTR
Linux...Latest version is also known as "The Two Towers" 8^)))...I
heard the next release will be shipping next December (codename "The
Return of the King")...It's been developed by a 9-people-team known as
"The Fellowship of the Ring". It's been rumored that are too many bugs
(known as "Ringwraiths") to fix so it's not known if it will be ready
for the release date...This distro really rocks, you just put a ring
(shipped with the CD's) in your finger and everything is configured
and ready to run...Only one warning: NEVER EVER POINT YOUR BROWSER to
www.mordor.com , the results are unpredictable...
From: Felipe
%
If you build Linux from scratch and add a few administration
scripts, your personal distro would be very close to Slackware. 
From: Felipe
%
My ancestors assisted a silly group of protestant refugees in doing
that exact thing in 1776, or so the history books claim. 
From: +Cibao+
%
So the next AOLS Mode Quote FAQ posting will be use Discordian format
since everyone knows how to read that.  The Irony.
From: Faux_Pseudo
%
Just think: In no time at all we'll have you lined up with your very
own goat & bucket 'o lard, praising Bob and all his prophecies. =P
From: +Cibao+
%
The CLI is an open-textbook, multiple-choice exam with endless
possibilities.
From: +Cibao+
%
Give a user and answer and he will come looking for another one.
Teach a person to look for an answer and he will find them for the
rest of his life.
From: Faux_Pseudo
%
Give a user a solution and he will beg to be put do death after 3
calls to the help desk.  Teach them to find an answer on there own
and deliver unspecified sums of money to secret locations at regular
intervals and he will stay alive for ever.
From: Faux_Pseudo
%
BOZOs don't give out fish.  They use the power of LART so that others
may GAFC, STFW, RTFM.
From: Faux_Pseudo
%
Ask not what you can do for newsreader, but what your newsreader can
do for you.
From: Faux_Pseudo
%
There are already numerous documents which to describe how to search
google, an example being... Nah, you can google for them.
From: Bartosz Oudekerk
%
Short story: RedHat is evil. Slackware is good.
From: Felipe
%
Post your self-promotions elsewhere, where they are on-topic.
Might I suggest alt.clueless.asshole-spammer?
From: +Cibao+
%
so, you seem to be missing some things. did you want someone to
install it for you, or can you do it yourself?
From: Jurgen
%
"* * * * * do-what-im-thinking-but-only-if-its-not-stupid"
From: Keith Keller
%
Damn. What happened to the days when we actually used to have
_intelligent_ Trolls lurking on Usenet? (Yes, I know, it's scary -
but there was such a time.) Now all we seem to get is these MCSE
totin', MSOE-postin', clueless fuckwits who'd have a hard time
finding their way out of a sleeping bag. =)
From: +Cibao+
%
It's not ''they'', you fuckwit!  We are Bozo.  You will be
assimilated.
From: Keith Keller
%
My 9.0 install is as stable as Oprah Winfrey holding her spot in a
buffet line. 
From: Leonard the Committed
%
Thanks for any help, clue-by-fours, words of derision! =)
From: LRW
%
Perhaps I'll become less dumb one day....  But there's
very little chance :-))
From: mojo
%
Bill - can I call you Bill? - Get a fucking clue, you nimrod.
From: +Cibao+
%
... we salute you and your efforts to think first and Google
second.
From: Faux_Pseudo
%
Depending on when you installed it, that could be
record uptime for underwear.
No, I just remembered my cousin Randy.  It probably
isn't.
From: fLameDogg
%
This is a public service message brought to you by everyone who has
lost a keyboard reading alt.os.linux.slackware:  Don't drink and
Slack.
From: Faux_Pseudo
%
Here, my humble audience, we have another unsolicited testimonial of
the power of Bozo.
From: Faux_Pseudo
%
You, however, are obviously highly immune to clue.
From: fLameDogg
%
You offer nothing but a whiny attitude that makes people wish there
was a qualification exam you had to take to buy a computer.
From: +Dave Sizemore+
%
As far as a full install being safer, I don't know.  That may depend
on what the meaning of the word "is" is.
From: fLameDogg
%
The fact that you're using a desktop PC does not mean you don't want a
secure, fast, simple and stable system - and that's where Slackware
shines. 
From: Felipe
%
Just have your handy welder man weld you up a box that gives plenty of
room and has room and holes for cooling it, with a door, then put one
of those two hundred dollar padlocks that cannot be cut off easily or
picked (A torch will do it though). This is 1/2 inch steel plate and
probably weights at min a 100 pounds, clean it and prime it and paint
it the color of your favorite Ferrari, as many coats as you're willing
to do. Be sure to prep and prime it inside and out for rust protection
with a good heavy primer and maybe a good coating on the inside that
doesn't attract dirt.
From: Mr. Meval
%
It's not like I started calling you a sheep-fucker or anything. 
From: +Cibao+
%
You top-posted, telling someone to loosen the permissions on their
audio devices, and you're calling him a lamer?  
From: Simon 
%
Maybe he does a full install to /dev/null?
From: Simon 
%
This is *very* interesting !
Some folks tell u to read the FAQ for the answer to ur Q.
Then u decide that u won't because this idea doesn't reflect
your opinion on what should b there ????
How brilliant :D)
From: Loki Harfagr
%
Does GOOGLE not work on your planet or something?
From: +Cibao+
%
Oh, you're such a great grammarian.  Too bad your linux skills are
for shit.
From: Keith Keller
%
I think my point was that you should stick your head back up your ass,
because when you pull it out long enough to post to usenet you make a
fool of yourself.
From: Keith Keller
%
Here's a funny factoid: I'm not a "gamer" - but I do confess to
enjoying setting a room of "bad guys" on fire occasionally. =P
From: +Cibao+
%
Feed a fever starve a troll.
From: Faux_Pseudo
%
If you don't "like" or approve of the way that someone answers a post,
lead
by example and answer the post in the way you feel it should be done,
or simply ignore it.
From: +Cibao+
%
I understand that you sexually deficient types have trouble
understanding that not everyone has your problems with obtaining sex
with another human being,
From: +Cibao+
%
Love is about people - not plumbing.
From: +Cibao+
%
Is it just me, or is Knode starting to look like the MSOE of *nix?
From: +Cibao+
%
Aww.  Looks like I bruised your wittle ego, doesn't it?    Dance for
me, my little monkey. 
From: +Cibao+
%
Shaken Newbie Syndrome.......can it ever be stopped?
The good news:  YES IT CAN!
Dr. Dave is willing to GIVE AWAY the wonder drug of the century!!
HOW CAN THIS BE?!?!?   The cure for a usenet plague for free?!?!?
Yes, folks, it's a potent blend of RTFM, STFU, and the secret of the
Orient:
GAFC!
With this blend of major ingredients, all cases of SNS can be
eradicated!
Get yours today!
From: +Dave Sizemore+
%
I can't help it if I'm too sexxy for my newsreader.
From: +Cibao+  In: alt.os.linux
%
XFree86! huh-yeah
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Uh-huh
From: +Cibao+
%
Go now child and be one with Slack.
From: Faux_Pseudo
%
"Troll" seems to be the name de jour for you guys lately.  So, in the
same vein as the adoption of the honored title "Bozo" (may they live
forever in decadence), and in deference to the suggestion here of
"UberBozo", I would like to humbly submit the suggestion of
"Bozo-Uber-Troll Thingy", along with the accompanying acronym of
"BUTT" for your deliberation as a new and exalted title of reverence.
From: Talon
%
I'm afraid that that information is restricted to Bozo's (we swear an
oath you know), but I can tell you that it does involve a goat. Also
the Illuminati who run all the worlds internet spine's, (in order to
control the mortal population's flow of information), are of course
subservient to the Pope Bozo, long may his shadow lengthen.
From: Two Ravens
%
I wish you many years of RTFM.
From: Bartosz Oudekerk
%
Goats are reserved for the Removal of the Lame Distro ritual.
From: Old Man
%
this group is great.  You get a better quality of abuse and OT
rambling over here ;-)
From: Glyn Milling
%
I wonder what MS uses to make their blocklist(killfile?), that
would cause you to make such a nice sound when you hit the bottom.
From: Bartosz Oudekerk
%
Get down off the cross, you look silly up there.  Stop acting like
it's some special gold star that gets you nods and love.
From: Lee Fent
%
The war against my people hasn't ended. not by a long shot.
From: +Cibao+
%
Welcome to our reality. Sucks, doesn't it?
From: +Cibao+
%
Now the good news is that you didn't top post.  But we still get to
flame you for not trimming. 
From: Faux_Pseudo
%
I wish I'd had someone stick a Slackware CD in my drive and say "Thats
the one matey, learn it."
From: Mike-UK
%
Slackware [Linux] - "Dying" since 1996.
From: Mark Hill
%
Perhaps your problem is karma-related.
From: fLameDogg
%
If it's worth doing, it's worth RTFM'ing!
From: Andy McDowell
%
in other words, it has been recorded on google that you are utterly
pathetic.
From: Joost Kremers
%
the distribution that stays out of my way, and lets me do what i
want to do without telling that i can't or shouldn't do this.
the distribution that doesn't waste my time by making me run around
in circles, and stays out of my face, so i can actually get some work
done, THAT is the fastest distribution.
From: Jurgen Philippaerts
%